Great Guidance

I really like this post from The Baby Center on teaching responsibility: 

The responsible child: How to teach responsibility (ages 3 to 4)

I subscribed to this blog/email list back when our oldest child was a year old, and I've really enjoyed the updates and anticipatory guidance this website provides. It's something I can hold onto, think about, and then incorporate into my style of parenting both of our children.

The title of this post from the Baby Center is "How to teach responsibility," and I really, really like how it breaks down the broad/abstract concept of responsibility into steps/principles. From my point of view, responsibility is something that is demonstrated and learned over time; I believe it reflects a concerted effort to demonstrate, label, and praise specific actions daily.

While this particular post references preschoolers, I think the bold face points can apply quite well to individuals throughout childhood and into adolescence. I also feel like there's a lot of value in reframing child-centric recommendations like these in terms of life principles for caregivers. For example, establishing routines, providing praise, and allowing for space and ups-and-downs is a critical skill for parents to practice and hone as they support their children through development. The principles, rather than the specific application of them, work well for most children regardless of their current language and motor abilities. The challenge then is in translating these principles into action items for both caregivers and their children, and this is something I try to work with families on addressing in a clear, concise, and concrete manner.

What I have often found is that families feel stuck about where to start with teaching a specific skill, and I try to encourage them to break down the steps associated with a task. I then ask them what their child can do without help, with some help, and with lots of help. This gives us a reference point from where we are most likely to be successful and then find the place in that chain where we want to start teaching one aspect of this new behavior chain.

Picking the right place to start can be a matter of finding the "sweet spot" for raising the bar for a child so that they can almost walk over the bar rather than having to jump over it. When trying a new approach, I perseverate on how to set people up for success out the gate so that it feels attainable initially and rewarding once achieved. This incremental, focused approach can work well for a range of social skills and adaptive behaviors across childhood.

Stay tuned for next week's post where I walk through how we try to implement this principle in our house on a daily basis as part of our mealtime routine with our cherubic youngest child.

With the Help of Thy Grace

On the 4th floor of The Cardinal Gibbons School, our teacher always asked us to stand at the start of each 10th grade English class.  We had a lot of characters for teachers, and Mr. Foy was definitely one of them. Equal parts Bilbo Baggins and Robin Williams as played in Dead Poets Society, Mr. Foy began each English class by asking us to stand and say in unison the following 4 prayers: Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, and traditional Act of Contrition.

Each line in this last prayer always resonated with me, and through the passage of time and the taking up of my profession as a psychologist, the one that rings most clearly still is:

I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace

As we have just started a New Year, I imagine many of us (myself included) have acts and thoughts we want to resolve. The origin of the word resolve comes from the Latin and has come to take on a few different meanings: to loosen; to find a solution; solve; to put right.

Many of us will make resolutions to eat better, sleep more, work out, read books, and be nicer. After the newness of the year wears off, the resolve many of us felt at the threshold weakens. This then is when I believe that grace, either from within or above, comes in awfully handy. By grace then I mean being able to maintain your poise in reaching and striving for these goals.

I think there are things we can do to maintain our resolve toward establishing these habits:

1. Set Goals you can readily achieve and make them Observable and Measurable. Vague goals are unlikely to be met even for those with the firmest resolve.
2. Create an Accountability Mechanism for tracking the goal. This can be an Excel spreadsheet, daily posting of your runs to Facebook, automating reminder to report your progress to your best friend.
3. Find a Cue that for you signals the new routine. Maybe it's a song, a sound, an image -- whatever it takes, try to find something you cannot tune out and make it something that reminds you of something you are working toward.
4. Make Space and Time for the new routine. If you want to start running tomorrow, go to bed in your running outfit and put your running shoes by the door. Have the coffee set to go off 15 minutes after you come home so that it's ready to drink after you shower. If you haven't run in 2 years, focus on walking three days a week or even stretching for a few minutes each morning as your coffee brews. Start today.
5. Establish a clear Reward for following the new routine. In order to drink the coffee, you have to (stretch, walk, run). In order to watch football on Sunday, resolve to (attend church, mow the lawn, volunteer, reach out to family). Making things at least somewhat contingent will help move the habit forward, at least initially. It will be important, though, to establish an internal reward or reason for the goal you have set. Reminding yourself of the "why" you're trying to do something different is also important.
6. Find a Buddy or Build a Team to share the new routine. This could range from finding a friend to run with, joining a running team or an on-line support community that can offer encouragement and accountability while working toward the goal.

One of my absolute favorite on-line communities that I stumbled across a few years ago is Nerd Fitness. I like how it incorporates an interest in gaming with social connectedness.

Good luck with your New Year's Goals in 2017!

Holidays on the Horizon

This is a time of year rife with responsibility and saturated with stress. A lot of folks feel like they have to be everywhere and do everything between Thanksgiving and the New Year.

I am not exempt from being stuck and spinning my wheels as December hurtles us forward through holiday get-togethers, work parties, and social obligations of every permutation.

In my personal experience (that sounds a lot more approachable than "in my clinical opinion," right?), taking a step back (however brief and small) is invaluable at this time of year. I'm not saying that this is the time to reorganize priorities, but I do think there are ways to trim the emotional fat so that you and your family can be well positioned to enjoy the holiday season.

Some recommendations that I've found to be useful:

1. Follow traditions that reduce (or don't add) stress. For me, this is cutting down Christmas trees from Wilbert's Tree Farm in Webster, NY. Yep, you caught that extra "s" on the end of the word tree. I loves me some indoor O' Tannenbaum all over the place. In the past, this excursion into my version of the wild has proven a tad stressful because I would try to do it with a manual saw while my Better Half played defense against the creatures we created (a.k.a. our wonderful children). I also tend to brazenly insist on finding the largest tree, which takes a lot of time and foraging. This year we invited our great family friends to go with us, we pre-gamed that business with breakfast at Mama Lor's, and then we got strategic whilst wielding my great friend's chain saw. We expanded our tradition - hello friends and breakfast! - while reducing the stress by having more hands to help corral cherubs and power tools. 

2. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good (or spend less time around those who don't). This is your life to live, and I think it's kind of cruddy to force ourselves to spend it around people who get us emotionally jacked up. Whether it's family, friends, or some combination thereof, I think we especially need to spend this time with people that get us. Even if we feel compelled to spend time around folks who do not necessarily lift us up, I still think it's incredibly important to make some time (after work, on the weekend beforehand) to see people we like, miss, and enjoy during the holiday season.

3. Prize experiences you can do with others over stuff. Easier said than done, but it matters. This idea is backed by research from Caprariello and Reis that suggests that, "Spending money to acquire experiences that are shared with others was valued over spending money on experiences enacted alone or on material possessions." The series of studies is nuanced and sophisticated, and I think a take-away could be that there's a lot of value in spending your money on experiences you enjoy doing with others rather than solo trips or just more stuff.

4. Eat well, drink less, sleep more. The holidays have their own gravitational pull, and we will likely enjoy them more when we make a conscious attempt at keeping ourselves healthy. If I had to pick one from this list of three, I would prioritize getting to bed earlier since this has a way of predicting and leading to late night snacking and over drinking. I feel like it's hard to sell people on the idea of eating well and drinking less on the holidays, but sleep is awesome.

One of the things my Better Half and I are trying to do to diminish stress is to go out to dinner before Christmas church services so that our Little People are fed beforehand and so that the Hunger Monster doesn't muck up our parent mojo. Building on a Christmas tradition from my Better Half's childhood, we're going to grab a pizza at Crust Pizza Kitchen before going to Christmas Eve Mass. It will be our second Christmas Eve at Crust, and their pizza is always a winner with the whole family. We're looking forward to it!

Seriously, look at that pizza.  Aren't you hungry?  I am.  

Fall Speaking Engagements

Lately I have switched gears from blogging to preparing for speaking engagements in the Rochester community.  Below is my full schedule of speaking engagements this fall, with details on how you can attend.  As each draws closer, I hope to send out a teaser on this blog about the topic and content of my speech.  Then, when all settles, I should have some great material to turn into blog posts for my loyal readers through the long Rochester winter.

If you have questions about any of these engagements, you can reach me directly at bryanharrisonphd@gmail.com.  I hope to see friendly and familiar faces in the crowd this fall!

The Children's School at URMC - Teacher In-Service

Monday, October 10, 9 A.M. - 10 A.M., Closed to the public.
http://www.cclc.com/our-centers/rochester/ny/301671/

Greater Rochester Mother's of Twins

Thursday, October 13, 7 P.M. - 9 P.M., Open to Members. Free.
http://www.grmotc.com/

Upstate Special Needs Planning - Disability awareness Week

Monday, October 24, 6 P.M. - 7:30 P.M., 
Open to the public. Reservations requested at 585-899-1253. Free.
http://www.upstatesnp.com/homepage/

Camp Puzzle Peace Family Empowerment Series

Tuesday, October  25, 6 P.M. - 7:30 P.M., 
Open to the public. Reservations required at 585-371-5018.
$25 fee for a 3 series engagement, paid to Camp Puzzle Peace.
http://www.familyautismcenter.com/programs/parent-programs

AutismUp Speaker Series - Confidence & Self-Advocacy

Monday, November 7, 7 P.M. - 9 P.M.  Open to Members. Free.
http://autismup.org/program-calendar/

I'm a guest blogger... again!

Some folks may have noticed that I've been a bit quiet on the blogging front lately.  

There are three main reasons for this: 

1. Private Practice is really taking off! Thank you to everyone who has made the time to make an appointment with me, those who have made referrals, and those who have recommended me to your family, friends and colleagues. I cannot do this without you!
    
2. I'm preparing for a few speaking engagements this fall.  Stay tuned to this blog for exact dates and times. I am honored and excited to partner with local not-for-profits and organizations that serve families in our Rochester community.
    
3. I was asked to write another blog for The Scientific Parent. This time my topic is Developmental Milestones and Delays: When to Seek Help

Like in my previous blog entry for The Scientific Parent, What is Autism & When Should Parents Seek a Diagnosis?, this time I wanted to provide some concrete information and additional perspective for parents and caregivers. In this recent post, I focused on giving caregivers guidance about whether their children are meeting their developmental milestones on time. This is a worry most parents confront at some point in time, as they watch their child's behaviors around same-ages peers at the play ground, in child care settings, or within the family. Writing this article gave me a great opportunity to address some of the concerns that impact perceptions, such as comparing the child's progress to peers, siblings, family, even the parent's own childhood development timelines. I was also able to tackle the concept of a milestone being continuous, componential, and variable in onset. Read on to learn what I mean. 

“So what does it mean to meet a developmental milestone? We tend to view the meeting of a milestone as a binary event: Either they’ve done it or they haven’t. Milestones are rarely all-or-none in the final analysis. Remember the time you spent repeating “dada” or “mama” over and over to your baby as they studied your lips and tongue to try and mimic the sound. There were likely many attempts that came out as “ada” and “da” before they were able to finally say “dada” or “mama.” ”